"Rendition"

OK, I confess, I've got a bit of a thing for Reese Witherspoon. I don't even fully understand it myself, in fact I just used to put it down to the fact that we were both irresistibly attracted to Ryan Philippe but no, I'm starting to think it's all about THE WORK. From "Legally Blonde" through "Walk the Line" via "Sweet Home Alabama" has she put a foot wrong? I think not. Her British accent is almost better than mine, as she proved playing that minx Becky Sharp in "Vanity Fair," and she comes across in interviews as a smart woman (when I said I had a thing for her, you didn't think it was this bad, did you? Admit it). So the minute (my italics) I saw the trailer for "Rendition" I was excited: Reese, Jake and Meryl, my personal Holy Trinity, all in one movie? I thought we just HAD Christmas? Honestly, go see it. It's movie that makes you think. Not just about the subject matter (if you don't know what rendition is - and I didn't really before reading about the movie - here's a quick explanation) but also about the dichotomy that is the U.S. By that, I mean the fact that the country that implements a policy like this is also the country that exposes and is shocked by it. And, indeed, the country that makes a major movie about it (ok, the director's South African but the project and, I imagine, most of the money, are American). While the message "torture is wrong and counter-productive" is hammered home pretty hard (thank goodness), the reasoning behind the rendition policy is given a more nuanced treatment (Meryl Streep's wonderful performance - we hate her YET we can see where she's coming from YET we know she's wrong, oooh, oooh, oooh - triffic). What else? A fair chunk of dialogue is in Arabic, which is unusual and nice to hear. That said, the "Romeo-and- Juliet-but-actually-not-at-all" plotline between Khalid and Fatima was given too much time in the final cut, I felt, even though I could see why it was there. And the timeshift "effect" was clever but didn't seem to serve much purpose apart from confusing me. Overall though, the wooly liberal that I am thought it was tops and would heartily recommend it.

P.S. I see that there are now rumors that Jake and Reese are getting married - maybe it IS about our shared taste in men after all....

"Tell Me It's Not True..."

OK, that's from "Blood Brothers," but Meryl Streep and Pierce Brosnan singing Abba? In a movie? My darling Agnetha must be spinning like a top on her secluded island in the Swedish archipelago. Of course, I shall HAVE to see it as soon as it comes out (my italics) in order to confirm all my worst fears. On the plus side, Meryl sounds quite a lot like (pre-vocoder) Cher and we all love her, don't we? Don't we? (Is it just me?)
(with thanks to the wonderful Words Dept. for alerting me to this.)

Rhino's Round-up

Here's a little round-up of the things I've learned in the past week. Remember, I'm doing all this so you don't have to. Selfless to a fault. ::sigh::

• Wii Sports is actually MUCH more fun than I realised. When people ask, I shall finally be able to say that I played a little tennis at the weekend - I feel this will be good for my image. I'm still rubbish at golf, though, so the keys to the executive washroom remain - tantalisingly - out of reach.

• "99 Francs" is a good example of how an annoying book can actually be made into a very entertaining movie. Thanks in no small part to the talent of Jean Dujardin (a little less deelish here than in other roles, it must be said). Advertising looks such FUN. Plus we're pretty sure we saw Guillaume Canet in the cinema. Yumm.

• Damon Albarn's "Monkey" is, quite simply, wonderful. I know you've probably read that elsewhere already, but it really is. I say that even though my short-sightedness meant I had to keep asking "Who is that woman in white floating from the ceiling?" and "Why does that man have a pig's head?" because I couldn't read the subtitles. Some stunning set-pieces, including an under-the-sea scene featuring a large starfish. No Guillaume Canet though.

• Pramil is my latest restaurant recommendation. I can still taste those raspberries with green tea ice-cream (I mean that in a good way). Bon appétit!!
  

Deadly Dishcloth

Have you, dear reader, ever seen anyone fight off a vicious knife attack using just an old dishrag and a hardback book? And come out on top? If not, hie thee to a cinema and watch The Bourne Ultimatum. It's terrific. By that I mean it does exactly what it says on the packet. And it will change your views on using everyday cleaning materials in martial arts FOREVER (my caps). I've had a soft spot for Jason Bourne from the first movie, where I even entertained the (erroneous, in retrospect) idea that maybe Matt Damon might be hot after all. What's great about this final - at least for now - instalment is that for the first time I could see the flaws in Jason Bourne's modus operandi (Latin! Fancy!). If he'd really done his homework re: Waterloo Station, he would have known to have turned in the opposite direction by Paperchase and gone down into Bonaparte's pub next to Boots. No-one would ever follow you in there. In my experience, anyway. Mind you, the film would then have been a good twenty minutes shorter and that annoying caricature of a journalist (corduroy jacket, rubbish notebook with NO shorthand) would still be alive. There are probably loads of people who live in Tangiers (Tangerines?) tutting about those scenes too and saying things like "Everyone knows that street is one-way." Oooh, and weirdly, the CIA Deep Cover HQ is just like my office, all grey and full of scared-looking people. All this - in-depth knowledge of Waterloo Station, used to working in a climate of fear, good with a dishcloth - leads me to think I may have missed my vocation. If you don't hear from me for a while, don't worry, I'm probably on a mission....

Clapperboard Queen

Showbiz, dear reader. I just CAN'T keep away from it, try as I might. Just when I think I've finally left behind the smell of the greasepaint, the roar of the crowd, for good, Lady Luck lifts her fickle finger and pokes me back into the limelight. I'd just settled down in the Swedish Centre cafe with a mug of coffee and a pastry filled with what the Swedes delightfully refer to as "Grandma's cough" when the phone rang. My phone, I mean, not theirs. It was Toby. "Listen," he said. "Do you mind if we meet for coffee round the corner instead? I've got to do something with some musketeers, but it won't take long..." Which is how I found myself with French actor Jean-Christophe Bouvet, a Jack Russell and four musketeers (the Lames du Marais), shooting a film about Marie-Antoinette's dog. We all mucked in and it was great fun but I still have absolutely no idea (my italics) what it was all about. Afterwards, we did indeed go for that coffee with Jean-Christophe and his charming assistant Florian and had a rather wide-ranging discussion about working with Rip Torn, Tecktonic dance moves and Aussiebum undies. All that and then out for dinner to celebrate the birthday of another rising star... "Fabulous" doesn't even START to cover it...(P.S. coming soon, pics and more from Micke's MUTHA of all Gay Karaoke nights)

01-18-08

This post from FrenchBenj has got me VERY excited. VERY.

Rhino75's Film Buff Teaser

Another classic movie moment, selflessly (my italics) recreated especially for YOU, dear reader, by the lovely Le Meg and myself - but which film is it?....

"Contre-Enquête"

Sunday found me, dear reader, decidedly the worse for wear after the lovely Meg's fur 'n' fanny party (I am now the proud owner of a mix-CD entitled "Vaginal Follies" - how unlikely is that?). Nevertheless, fortified by gallons of English breakfast tea and gingerbread chez Nicolas and Morag-Ann (that sounds very Enid Blyton, doesn't it?), I called up The Captain and we decided to go to the cinema. Bedtime Stories had said this movie was worth a look, and he was right. Is it my imagination or does Jean Dujardin get hotter with every year that passes? This film is a bit of a departure for him - no laughs in there at all - but he's great in it, as is Laurent Lucas who plays the prisoner who may or may not be guilty of raping and killing the Dujardin character's eight-year-old daughter. There were a couple of really creepy scenes towards the end that had me peeping through my fingers - if there'd been a sofa, I would have hidden behind it. Even the Captain confessed to being a little jittery and he's not a man who scares easily :). It's a dark film, full of foreboding but the editing is excellent (there's no downtime in there) and the acting, at least the main roles, is pretty good. "So what, Rhino?" I hear some of you cry. "It's never going to show in my local cinema and even if it does, I won't be able to understand it!" But I think it's important to show that French films aren't ALWAYS about two people talking and sh*gging for three hours without really coming to any kind of conclusion or cutesy girls traipsing round Montmartre - they make real movies too!

P.S.

This and this arrived in the post this weekend. Am in heaven. Thanks Dad xxx

La Vie en Rose

I could try and describe what Micke and I got up to when we met for drinks last night but instead I'm just going to refer you to the (labour-saving) Frog With A Blog TV so you can see for yourselves. Is there a better way of spending a Sunday evening? Triffic fun. And don't worry, I will - of course - get my revenge.

Dreamgirls

Am I the only person who's excited about this? It has such HUUUUGGGE potential. I've been listening for the last month to early Diana Ross & The Supremes just to get in the mood. I think it's going to be a corker but I'm starting to wonder if I'll be going to see it on my own when it finally opens here (probably 2010 or something). In an effort to drum up some support for my lady B, have a look at what she has to say about gay men here. Another reason - as if we needed one - to love her.

Casino Royale

You may not have suspected this, dear reader, but Rhino75 is a HUGE James Bond fan. For me, even as a child, he embodied the very essence of masculinity, pure testosterone on two legs. Elegant, sophisticated and yet somehow deeply flawed. I have much to blame him for because most of my adult life has been spent trying to mirror that. It's a work in progress but so far, I have the "deeply flawed" bit down pat, and I can't count the number of martinis I've downed with the aim of being "elegant and "sophisticated" (is that possible while falling of one's barstool, I wonder?). ANYWAY, you can't imagine how excited I was about seeing "Casino Royale". A new Bond is always an event. Until now I've been strictly a Sean Connery/Roger Moore man. Sean, IMHO, is the one closest to Flaming's original character but I've always had a soft spot for Roger Moore in "Live and Let Die" - he was HOT in that movie and there's something about a man in a safari suit... Since they bowed out, frankly, I've not been terribly impressed. But good news!! Daniel Craig is by far (my italics) the most convincing Bond of recent years. He brings something very different to the party by playing him as a man whose arrogance often gets the better of him, who regularly screws up and often only pulls through because of the help he gets from others. Adding that "tragic flaw" (thank you Euripides) of course makes the character much more likeable than, say, the tailor's dummy approach of Pierce Brosnan. Craig can play the hard man convincingly AND deliver those throwaway one-liners. And, of course, he's HOT. Smoking HOT. I'll never look again at a man whose Speedos don't match his eyes. Locating the casino in Montenegro was a great idea, the place has a kind of Ruritanian quality that maybe Monaco had for people in the 1960s, before quite so many people had been there for business conferences etc. and seen what a hole it is. Why, even the female totty - French actress Eva Green - is excellent. No real plot-spoilers from me but the vision of a naked Daniel Craig tied to a chair having his genitals whipped with a long piece of rope is one that will stay with me for a long time (ahem! or did I imagine that bit?). Well-written, smart, not too knowing, not too gadgety, it's Bond like they used to make it. dum-tada-dum-dum tatata dum tada-dum-dum

Last Night's Celebrity...

...sighting: actor Frédéric Diefenthal (with mystery blonde), just by the Café de la Ville. French gays love Diefenthal for his role in Clara Sheller, where he played the heroine's slightly uptight gay roomate JP, but he is also a lad-culture icon as one of the leads in Taxi (scroll down to the reviews or go here). Cuter with short hair in my opinion but he gets extra points for being a celebrity who looks exactly like he does on the packet. Not shorter, not uglier, not weirder. Thanks to David and Carlos for a great night out!!

Last Night...

...I dined on Ferrero Rochers, crisps, "creative" chocolate chips and champagne, and chatted with two people who've acted in French cop show "PJ", a Canadian author, and an American punk drummer/expert on Heidegger. So eclectic it made me feel quite giddy. I should go to more parties like that. Many thanks to my favourite "muse" who was, as always, the perfect hostess.

"It's Ma'am as in 'Ham'..."

"...not Ma'am as in 'Farm'". I wanted to like it, I really did. All the other Brits I know had raved about how good it was, the reviews were top-notch, it's directed by the wonderful Stephen Frears and stars Helen Mirren, one of my favourite actresses ... but no. Save your money, I say. Don't get me wrong, everyone acts very well and it's very watchable. But you don't really learn anything, there doesn't seem to be any point to it. It would be a GREAT tv movie - because you could keep popping out to make a cup of tea, feed the cat etc. without really missing anything. And ideally, you would want to be watching with other people (and shortbread) so you could make comments, such as "Oooh, doesn't he look just like him?" or "Oooh, I remember that SO clearly". But there's no substance to it. You never find out, for example, why the Queen behaved as she did - you just have a lot of actors pretending to be other people, telling us why they think she's like that. I can theorise and speculate on my own, thank you very much. I thought it was quite clever to cut newsreel from the time (which is only 1997-98 but feels more like 30 years for some reason) with the acting but, in fact, it was just distracting because I realised I would prefer to be watching the documentary stuff - Diana's infamous Panorama interview, for example - rather than the film. They've obviously thrown a lot of money at it and it looks sumptuous, particularly the beautiful shots of the Scottish Highlands, but I can't imagine why anyone who's not British/completely Anglophile would want to see it. Which is a shame. To see the trailer and get a taste, click here, or on the pic to go to the film's official site.

Thank YOU

What a great movie - sharp, smart and deeply, deeply dark. Mind you, just cast your eyes over the cast list and you can be pretty sure you're in for some quality time. Loads of great one-liners, eye-candy (in the form of Aaron Eckhart - I now want to date a "Sultan of Spin") and some excellent cameos (Rob Lowe seems to be making these his stock-in-trade these days, and I'm not complaining). Believe me, it's always a treat for this rhino to see the American Corporate Dream being taken down a peg or two. Click on the poster to watch the trailer. Highly recommended. Just back from the cinema and am exhausted as I was out until 4 a.m. Wednesday morning (a school night, note) carousing with the lovely Sid 'n' Nancy and Pierre. Tremendous as always, I don't know how they do it. Isn't it the weekend yet??

Grumpy

The last two days I haven't arrived home from work before 11 p.m. which means I don't a) eat properly and b) have a life. Instead I'm sitting here feeling sorry for myself, eating Activia rhubarb yoghurt (actually, that's a positive - yumm!) and watching old Ashton Kutcher movies on cable. With the cat alternately biting my arm and flying round the room. Annoyingly. Roll on the weekend.

Meditations

Given the photo and the title of this post, you could be forgiven, dear reader, for expecting some pearls of oriental wisdom. But a) I snapped this guy skulking by a funnel outside the Pompidou Centre and b) if you look closely, you can see that rather than being lost in deep thought, he is, in fact, having a crafty smoke. What a let-down!! So, to try and make it up to you, let me tell you what I've been doing in my two-day break from holidaying (it's a tiring business, you know). First of all, Miami Vice. I thought the plot was excellent and Jamie Foxx divine. But Colin, Colin, what were you doing in there?? Jeez, I think I'd make a better Sonny Crocket than you. The hair, the clothes, the accent - pure Dublin market trader. And were you reading your lines from flashcards?? And were they sometimes in the wrong order?? Don't get me wrong, I love Colin but I found him COMPLETELY unconvincing in this role. The other bizarre piece of casting was Chinese actress Gong Li as a Cuban foxtress/villain. Unfortunately, she didn't sound or look very Cuban at all. And I had to look away during the scenes where she and Col start to salsa - ay, ay , ay que dolor!! But Jamie and the rest of the cast did sterling work and kept me hooked until the end, and I did enjoy it, I just felt sorry for Colin. I also found time to take in an exhibition and "discovered" French artist Jean Bazaine. You can see some of his work here, but what I really loved were his pen and ink sketches of the Brittany coast, which verge on the abstract. I was so taken with him, I even bought his book "Le Temps de la Peinture"!! I also visited the Pompidou Centre's latest additions to their collection of Alfred Manessier, but I'm not keen, all a bit religious for me, apart from his Favellas. Anyway, revived by all this culture, I'm heading back down to the south of France now to laze around a bit more. Alarmingly, I received a text message from Mr. LOG this morning, claiming the Tourrettes-sur-Loup house has been attacked by wild boars. The photographic evidence provided was, shall we say, inconclusive, but I hope to hear more if we meet up with them this weekend. Bon voyage to me!!!

Let her eat cake

So, dear reader, following on from all the hoo-ha at the recent Cannes film festival, Lady J and I decided that we would try our darnedest to cling on to the zeitgeist and see Sofia Coppola's "Marie-Antoinette". Completely FABULOUS. Filmed in gorgeous macaroon-o-vision (the wardrobe colours were apparently inspired by the little cakes served at the Ladurée tearooms in Paris), and full of beautiful people having a decadent time - well, the whole thing was just like a slice of a rhino75 weekend - but with bigger hair and better shoes. Some may find the tone of the piece slightly critical - when the young princess arrives from Austria at the French court she is met with a silent disdain that prompted Lady J and me to utter as one: "Typical bleedin' French welcome". There is also a wonderful moment when the complicated protocol of the daily "dressing ceremony" prompts Kirsten Dunst (for it is she) to comment "This is ridiculous!" "This, Madame, is Versailles," her French lady-in-waiting answers. Substitute "France" for Versailles, and they could be talking about my experiences in the Post Office. The production design is magnificent, and I thought the contemporary soundtrack (Sofia and I both have a soft spot for Phoenix and there's a wonderful masked ball to that old Siouxsie classic "Hong Kong Garden") worked really well. If I have one criticism, it's that the film is just a teeny bit too long. There is only so much Kirsten wandering around in a field I wish to see, thank you. On the other hand, I wouldn't have minded seeing a lot more of the luscious Jamie Dornan - surely Ireland's finest export? But I digress (again). For the rest of this month, my mission will be: "to be a little more like Marie-Antoinette" (though obviously, minus the head-chopping bit). I plan to start by telling more angry people to eat cake and simpering behind a fan. I'm sure it will be a great success.

List freak

I have a confession, dear reader. Rhino75 is a list-freak. So, when I saw that U.S. film critic Jim Emerson had come up with this guide to the 102 movies "everybody ought to have seen in order to have any sort of informed discussion about movies," and "the basic cinematic texts that everyone should know, at minimum, to be somewhat "movie-literate," well, it was almost like Christmas and my birthday combined. I was a bit disappointed by my score of 53 - when I first read it through, I thought it was going to be higher but then I realised that although I'd heard of most of these films, that IS different to actually watching them (sometimes I get confused about things like this). This obviously means that all my discussions about movies to date have been gloriously ill-informed - did it show, I wonder? Anyway, c'mon - 'fess that number.