Gay Schoolmaster Shocker!!!

So Albus Dumbledore, fictional headmaster of Hogwarts School and mentor to Mr. Harry Potter, was GAY (cue sharp intake of breath)!! It's true, it's true, his creator Joanne Rowling personally outed him. The object of Dumbley's affection was one Gellert Grindelwald (how GAY is that name?) but their love was doomed. You see, Dumbley realised that GG was actually practising the Dark Arts and, therefore, he had to kill him. I'm sure we've ALL been there. He then retired from gay life and became a headmaster. An everyday tale of the perils of man-love. What a load of old tosh!! Still, I think Joanne Rowling is getting off rather lightly here. The '80s are over and the "Community" has become more discerning. Just saying someone is "gay" isn't enough to win over the Pink Pound - we need to know the rest. Top or bottom (my money's on bottom)? Cut or uncut? Fetishes (I'm guessing "wandplay" would figure prominently) Pop or showtunes? Kylie or Britney? Is the Penseive a metaphor for rohypnol? Is the cruciatus curse a veiled reference to Special K? Also, I'm sure there'll be lots of people nodding wisely now, muttering "Yes, I always suspected..." and "Don't ask me why, I just KNEW." Which brings me to this week's homework: "Does literary gaydar exist?" Which fictional character has more than a whiff of lavender about them?

Rhino's Round-up

Here's a little round-up of the things I've learned in the past week. Remember, I'm doing all this so you don't have to. Selfless to a fault. ::sigh::

• Wii Sports is actually MUCH more fun than I realised. When people ask, I shall finally be able to say that I played a little tennis at the weekend - I feel this will be good for my image. I'm still rubbish at golf, though, so the keys to the executive washroom remain - tantalisingly - out of reach.

• "99 Francs" is a good example of how an annoying book can actually be made into a very entertaining movie. Thanks in no small part to the talent of Jean Dujardin (a little less deelish here than in other roles, it must be said). Advertising looks such FUN. Plus we're pretty sure we saw Guillaume Canet in the cinema. Yumm.

• Damon Albarn's "Monkey" is, quite simply, wonderful. I know you've probably read that elsewhere already, but it really is. I say that even though my short-sightedness meant I had to keep asking "Who is that woman in white floating from the ceiling?" and "Why does that man have a pig's head?" because I couldn't read the subtitles. Some stunning set-pieces, including an under-the-sea scene featuring a large starfish. No Guillaume Canet though.

• Pramil is my latest restaurant recommendation. I can still taste those raspberries with green tea ice-cream (I mean that in a good way). Bon appétit!!
  

Clapperboard Queen

Showbiz, dear reader. I just CAN'T keep away from it, try as I might. Just when I think I've finally left behind the smell of the greasepaint, the roar of the crowd, for good, Lady Luck lifts her fickle finger and pokes me back into the limelight. I'd just settled down in the Swedish Centre cafe with a mug of coffee and a pastry filled with what the Swedes delightfully refer to as "Grandma's cough" when the phone rang. My phone, I mean, not theirs. It was Toby. "Listen," he said. "Do you mind if we meet for coffee round the corner instead? I've got to do something with some musketeers, but it won't take long..." Which is how I found myself with French actor Jean-Christophe Bouvet, a Jack Russell and four musketeers (the Lames du Marais), shooting a film about Marie-Antoinette's dog. We all mucked in and it was great fun but I still have absolutely no idea (my italics) what it was all about. Afterwards, we did indeed go for that coffee with Jean-Christophe and his charming assistant Florian and had a rather wide-ranging discussion about working with Rip Torn, Tecktonic dance moves and Aussiebum undies. All that and then out for dinner to celebrate the birthday of another rising star... "Fabulous" doesn't even START to cover it...(P.S. coming soon, pics and more from Micke's MUTHA of all Gay Karaoke nights)

I'm in Two Minds...

...about whether to read it. "Rhino, enough already with the cheap schizophrenia jokes!" I hear you cry, dear reader, and rightly so. Because today's post concerns those two most serious of bedfellows, literature and politics. My friend Emma has written a book (slight digression: is everyone I know writing a book, apart from me? Because it's STILL all about ME) which is impressive enough but wait...it's in French! Now, I haven't actually read it yet - I'm going along to pick up a signed and possibly wine-stained copy at the launch this evening (in a Scottish pub - sounds promising) but given that she's a funny lady and that she really does have first-hand experience of Ségo, Sarko and Jacques, I'm hoping for great things. Wary French speakers click here to see what her publishers have to say, while reckless spendthrift French speakers should click straight on the pic and order from Amazon. And English speakers, pop along to her blog for a taster of Emma in VO. And there you have it, yet another shameless plug for one of my mates, brought to you by Bookpacker. Will it never end?

Big Gay Read

The very idea (my italics) of "gay fiction" makes my blood boil - surely fiction is just fiction, right? At what point does it become "gay fiction"? Does it have to include rimming? Is it the author who has to be gay? Or the reader? Do you get points taken off for "straight" themes and characters? etc. etc. I'm sure you get my point. However, that said, as a list freak I was, of course, intrigued to see what British readers had voted as their favourite lesbian or gay novel. According to this article in The Guardian, the top five were:

• "Tales of the City" by Armistead Maupin
• "Tipping the Velvet" by Sarah Waters
• "Oranges are not the Only Fruit" by Jeanette Winterson
• "Trumpet" by Jackie Kay
• "Fingersmith" by Sarah Waters (again)

I was surprised to see that not only had I read four of the five (the odd one out is "Trumpet") but also that four of them (but not the same four) would fall into the loose category of "lesbian fiction". I am a closet muff-worrier, obviously. Ridiculous. Are we to conclude that lesbians read more than gay men (who are all too busy thinking about what to wear and Britney's baby, perhaps)? The only other book in the Top 10 that I've read was "The Line of Beauty" by Alan Hollinghurst - hardly "gay" at all in my opinion, but there you go. I find it all very strange and annoying. Most of these are just great books. Full stop. I can hear the whirring (yet again) of the wheels of the great marketing machine spinning into life...

"This Earth of Mankind"

Sad news from the BBC today that Indonesian author Pramoedya Ananta Toer has died (click here to see their article). I have to admit that I'd never heard of him until a few years ago when I was planning a holiday in Bali, and my friends the Milliens said, "Oooh, you've got to read this, then." This turned out to be "This Earth of Mankind", the first of the Buru quartet. It's a very simply written, thought-provoking tale of Indonesia under Dutch rule, with lots of historical background and atmosphere but also very personal observations on race and colonisation issues. I loved it, but it seems to be out of print in the U.K. and France, though you can get it on Amazon (click on the pic). This article gives you a bit more of an idea about the author, and how incredible it is that these books ever got written/published at all. Read them if you can.

Харры Поттер

Coooooool!!