Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Homeboy

The situation is critical, dear reader. Stop all the clocks etc. for I fear (my italics) that I may be on the verge of becoming that most cosy of creatures, a HOMEBODY. Yes, yes, it's true. Where once I felt my life was almost (ooh, there they are again) an older version of "Queer As Folk" with less hair and worse teeth - yeah, ok, that doesn't sound so great, I know -  all of a sudden the whole thing's morphed into longer version of "This Morning" with Philip and Fern where I'm having trouble getting off the sofa. To the extent where I was quite surprised (and, indeed, rather disappointed) not to find Phil Vickery rustling up a little treat in the kitchen here at Rhino75 Towers (wearing my Royal Yacht Britannia apron and one ovenglove). For I didn't go out once last week. Not once. Dramatic pause. Yes, scary, isn't it? I could blame the weather, I could blame work, I could blame a bout of the January blues - but I'd be lying. I couldn't WAIT to get home from work, whack the heating up to "full," pour myself a large glass of Shiraz and change into my jammies. Add a good eight hours of sleep every night and the result is utter bliss. I think it all comes down to feeling like a bear - by that I don't mean wearing a harness and dancing around with a lot of fat men in a basement to Kylie Minogue  (next weekend?), I mean the whole hibernating thing, I'm CONVINCED I am genetically programmed to eat large amounts of stodgy food and sleep for three months of the year. You can't fight science, as I think Rachel Stevens once sang in an SClub song. It's enough to make a man delete his Amazon wishlist and set up a Debenhams one instead ("pipe," "slippers," "cardigan" etc.) P.S. Unlikely bedfellows I agree, but McVities chocolate digestives go down a treat with a glass of Shiraz. Just so's you know.  

9 comments:

Sophie said...

thanks a lot. now i have an image of you in a harness stuck in my head.

rhino75 said...

And that's a good thing, right? Right? :-D

Sis!! said...

I so know what you mean bro (apart form the harness bit....!!!) I've like staying in this month and eating lots....When I visit we'll end up staying in baking Nigellas flourless brownies rather than hitting gay karaoke at this rate!!!! :) Sis.xxx

Tin Foiled said...

Oh, if only there were some big cinema event coming up that could get you out of the house...

rhino75 said...

Sis!! I won't actually be able to fit through the door if I have any more of those brownies :-) I can't WAIT till you're here - not that long to go either!! Tin Foiled, I know, wouldn't that be fantastic? Ah well, I may just go and get my hair cut instead - lol!!

Starman said...

Funny, I've always pictured you in a harness, with a sling in the background.

matt said...

i think the funniest thing about this is that you titled the post 'homeBOY', when it's all about being a 'homeBODY' instead.

rhino75 said...

And you're right to do so, Starman - Keep up the good work!! And Matt, COMPLETELY unintentional of course (2008 is the year I finally go rap, trust me) :-)

Le Meg said...

I interpret this as an invitation to show up with downloaded television and cookie biscuits. Just so's you know.