Sunday, July 23, 2006

Fan Club

"I'm melting, I'm melting," shrieked Rhino75, doing his best Wicked Witch of the West impersonation. Yes, yes I know it's probably hot wherever you are too, but here at Rhino75 Towers we've been reduced to a sticky puddle most nights over the last two weeks. "Crikey Rhino, don't you have a fan?" I hear you ask, dear reader. Well, as you can see from this pic, I do indeed own a rather lovely chrome ventilateur, which has been positively oozing style all over the sitting room for the last two years. Unfortunately, style is all it's been oozing. Because even at top speed and sitting virtually on top of the thing, the effect was similar to having a mildly asthmatic child in the corner of the room. Attempts to buy a more efficient replacement were always thwarted by lack of stock/lack of energy. Anyway, I'm a sentimental soul, and, frankly, I'd got used to having that wheezy youngster around. IMAGINE MY SURPRISE then when Mathieu came round on Friday night and pointed out that I'd actually assembled the whole thing back-to-front. A quick rummage in the toolbox, a flick of a switch and we were all positively blasted against the wall by a jet of cold air. I'm sure I heard somebody cry "Twister!". Who would have guessed? Of course, then we had to celebrate by polishing off a couple of bottles of vodka and munching our way through a tray of puff-pastry delights and mini chocolate puddings (provided by the lovely Nardac), before rounding off the evening with some impromptu tai chi. Saturday was more of the same, plus hangover, through to a deelish dinner at a local restaurant with good friends. Have just realised, though, that it's only two weeks to Brighton Pride, so am signing off now to get on with fake-tanning my legs while watching "Ghost Squad". Oh, it's a hard life.

4 comments:

Rob7534 said...

Oh poor Rhino, how you have suffered in silence for so long! You're a martyr, well, almost. If you weren't so damn incapable of putting the fan together correctly to begin with! Always start by READING THE DIRECTIONS! You're like my father, who thought he could put anything together by sheer force and engineering know-how. Unfortunatly he didn't "know-how."

But I love the celebration afterward! A fitting tribute.

Col said...

Ooh, I might actually be in town for this Pride...cool!

Also, I saw this: http://www.theargus.co.uk/the_argus/news/NEWS5.html
...and thought of you - I'm sure that, selflessly, you would have done the same thing as La Bryan under the circumstances...

rhino75 said...

The sad thing,Rob, is that I DID read the instructions. I am such a DIY dummy. Thank goodness for young men with screwdrivers. Col, that's good news, matey. And I love the Dora Bryan "nightmare" story ;D

nardac said...

And he fixed it when he was already drunk! What a mad boy he is. Alternately darling and infuriating.