Friday, September 14, 2007

Deadly Dishcloth


Have you, dear reader, ever seen anyone fight off a vicious knife attack using just an old dishrag and a hardback book? And come out on top? If not, hie thee to a cinema and watch The Bourne Ultimatum. It's terrific. By that I mean it does exactly what it says on the packet. And it will change your views on using everyday cleaning materials in martial arts FOREVER (my caps). I've had a soft spot for Jason Bourne from the first movie, where I even entertained the (erroneous, in retrospect) idea that maybe Matt Damon might be hot after all. What's great about this final - at least for now - instalment is that for the first time I could see the flaws in Jason Bourne's modus operandi (Latin! Fancy!). If he'd really done his homework re: Waterloo Station, he would have known to have turned in the opposite direction by Paperchase and gone down into Bonaparte's pub next to Boots. No-one would ever follow you in there. In my experience, anyway. Mind you, the film would then have been a good twenty minutes shorter and that annoying caricature of a journalist (corduroy jacket, rubbish notebook with NO shorthand) would still be alive. There are probably loads of people who live in Tangiers (Tangerines?) tutting about those scenes too and saying things like "Everyone knows that street is one-way." Oooh, and weirdly, the CIA Deep Cover HQ is just like my office, all grey and full of scared-looking people. All this - in-depth knowledge of Waterloo Station, used to working in a climate of fear, good with a dishcloth - leads me to think I may have missed my vocation. If you don't hear from me for a while, don't worry, I'm probably on a mission....

6 comments:

amy said...

Ha! I would never have noticed the lack of shorthand... Useful to have an "insider's perspective."

gomad.ch said...

Well, the first Bourne showed me as well that I might have a soft spot for Matt Damon (I loathed him as Ripley). Unfortunately, my b/f does not like the Bourne films. I have to hope for a long-haul flight in due course.

The Late Bloomer said...

Hilarious, Rhino! Hoping to go see this over the weekend at some point. I saw the first two and quite liked them, but my brother's a big fan -- as in, he has the soundtracks and the whole shebang!

Should be good fun entertainment, though.

rhino75 said...

Thank you Amy. I don't know anyone who takes notes in CAPITAL LETTERS..Gomad, I hated that Ripley film too, Damon, Law, Paltrow aka the holy trinity of annoying actors. Could you perhaps buy the DVD in secret and sneak it in while the bf isn't looking...a sort of DVD mule? Late Bloomer, thank you! But wait a second, he has the SOUNDTRACKS??? That's a little scary...

Starman said...

But he is cute.

Anonymous said...

Best review I've seen and oh so true.
HAd to mention the Karaoke video too - a bit late I know but did you realise you lok like someone cool and quite rich who has been living in the hills of Ibiza for a very long time?